I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
