I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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