dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
