And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
