i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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