well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
