he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize