PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
