I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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