i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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