i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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