just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
