he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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