your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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