I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
