so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
