I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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