Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
