False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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