You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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