I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
