Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ladies don't puke and tell
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
