in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We need to get me chipped asap
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
