I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
