Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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