So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
