I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
