Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
