Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and she was petting her beer can
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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