Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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