I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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