Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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