Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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