Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
