I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
