you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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