dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
