brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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