One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
