I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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