He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
