im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
