people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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