i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
