Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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