you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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