I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
