actually, I'm a sock model
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
