Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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