Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
