so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
