Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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