Who wears a wallet chain?!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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