we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize