he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize