The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
