drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
