sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize