I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
