she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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