He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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