I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
