I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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