P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
