just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
