I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
