i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
