I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
