When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize